phootball phriday: smoke while you read it

eight teams remain. only one team's players will have a super bowl XLIV ring to pawn in ten years. here we go.

the only pick i missed last week was the cowboys. i picked against them because i don't like the cowboys. i had to watch george w fucking bush celebrating in the owner's box of the new cowboys tv and stadium, fast becoming a mecca of sorts for middle america. how can you root for this team? in other news, people don't seem to think the vikings are all that strong right now, but in the second half of week 16 against the bears and then all day long against the giants, favre and company seemed unstoppable. and while the dallas defense is getting a lot of love for stymieing the eagles two weeks in a row, the vikings have too many offensive weapons, along with a serious edge in the return game. plus, i hear mall of america field is a really tough place to play. vikings by ten.

as for what i got right, kurt warner is god's quarterback. a lot of talk has been made about how defense ended the game last week. this is typical liberal media. god is love! warner needed to be completely focused, off the field, speaking directly to jesus with his mind. that's why the cardinals won. because jesus. will the lord spare new orleans? no chance. cards win another high-scoring game, but comfortably this time.

the ravens at the colts. baltimore lost a squeaker to the colts earlier in the season. since then, their running game/offensive line have gotten much better, and the coaches have learned to stop putting the game on a guy called flacco. unfortunately for devoted ravens fans everywhere, no one has proven that they can beat peyton manning this year. and don't be distracted by baltimore's shut-down of the welkerless patriots, the ravens defense has lost a step or two. that said, if the ravens win, then they might have to turn on the lights at the meadowlands one more time! back from the dead, now and forever, new jersey's finest football arena!!!! seriously, colts by a bit. manning to the afc championship.

where he will have his candy ass ripped apart by the new york jets. now i know the chargers have won some games. but this is exactly the sort of team that the jets are built to beat. they're soft against the run, they're absurdly pass-heavy, and they tend to need a lot of big plays to win a lot of squeakers. the jets will pound the rock, knock rivers on his ass, and maybe give up a couple big gains on screen passes, and a dig or two up the field to antonio gates. last i checked, san diego was a ten point favorite. crazy-talk. the jets will win handily. that is, of course, unless sachez throws eighteen interceptions.

and finally, on a personal note, allow me to say that gilbert arenas should not go to prison. as a culture, we get off on lynching random famous people, frequently black men, for just about anything. yeah, so he waved a gun around a locker room. so the fuck what? were you there? did you have to duck or something?

calmer than you are.