These Halls Were Built For Canadiens, Too

As I troll the interweb for new info regarding the Rock and Roll Hall of fame, I stumble onto this page. A simply wonderful wall where we realize that yes, there is a growing movement to include everyone's favorite pasty, technically prowessed, gilded cage-singing band into the hallowed shrine.
Although not particularly cherished by hip critics, Neil Peart, Geddy Lee and the other guy (poor Alex Lifeson) have changed a lot of peoples lives for the better. Check out these words of reverance:

In my youth Rush gave me the not only the World but the Universe.
I Thank You.
Lisa

Such are the powers of a giant fricking drumkit. Such formality in her writing, although this is the band that gave her the control of the universe. Of all the people in the World, I did not expect someone named "Lisa" to rule over all matter, great and small. Maybe someone named Krondak the Powerful, or someone who has "Powers" for a last name. That's reasonable. But the decision is up to Rush, so who am I to say?

And now is where the discussions of influence, longevity and technical prowess are thoroughly discussed. In my mind, longevity is not the greatest gauge of a band's greatness. Many truly great and influential acts came and went in record time:

Television, Suicide, Wire, Swell Maps, Sex Pistols, dB's, Gang of Four, the Zombies, My Bloody Valentine, Nirvana, Slint, Silver Apples, New York Dolls...

Really, the argument for longevity as a valid basis of greatness is incredibly muddled. Some bands original line-ups last only one or two albums, as members are replaced and the band carries on. King Crimson is a good example. The original line-up of Robert Fripp, Ian McDonald, Michael Giles, Greg Lake and lyricist Peter Sinfield lasted a SINGLE record. Over the years Fripp is the only constant member as others shift around him (much like M.E. Smith of the Fall). However, the King Crimson name remains, making them yet another band that has lasted as long as Rush.

And then there is the question of how one accounts for a hiatus. Is the band considered together, or loosely affiliated? The grey area is looming larger as I type. In 1998, due to personal tragedy (Peart's wife and daughter both dying in separate instances), the band took time off. Geddy fired off a solo album (with Matt Cameron from Soundgarden?), but not a peep from the band till 2002. So, is thirty years really a fair amount of time?

I'm not really looking for answers, I just think that Rush is above all of this arbitrary one-ups-manship involved in the Hall. I mean, just look at this drumset!


A band like this has no use for awards or annoying ceremonies where everyone claps too much and old-fogey bands are joined by "new talent" like Rihanna or John Mayer. Although imagining Rush and Rihanna onstage is a wonderful thing.

Rush is too busy winning fans with Ayn Rand references and bass guitar solos. Who gives a crap what a bunch of idiots in Cleveland think. Drew Carey has nothing on Tom Sawyer!

Anyways, some more highlights from the Rush/Hall of Fame thread:

Turnerbudd says:

"The bias against Rush is unbelievable. Explain the reasons some of these people are in and Rush is not.Is it influence? Look at the artists who call this trio influential. "

Dream Theater? Metallica? Living Colour? Yngwie Malmsteen? And then a list of vague prog bands that only people from "Guitar Magazine" can name. They are influential, I guess...

"Is it musicality? Three of the tightest musicians as consistently lauded by every major publication.
"
Um seriously? Rush has consistently garnered terrible reviews from every major publication. And when they did get good reviews, you have to wonder. Greg Prato is a little too into Rush as evidenced by his review of Hemispheres.

"" Neil Peart had become one of rock's most accomplished lyricists by this point, as evidenced by "The Trees," which deals with racism and inequality in a unique way (set in a forest!)."

The Lyrics in question:

"The Trees"

There is unrest in the forest
There is trouble with the trees
For the maples want more sunlight
And the oaks ignore their pleas

The trouble with the maples
(And they're quite convinced they're right)
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light
But the oaks can't help their feelings
If they like the way they're made
And they wonder why the maples
Can't be happy in their shade

There is trouble in the forest
And the creatures all have fled
As the maples scream 'Oppression!'
And the oaks just shake their heads

So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights
'The oaks are just too greedy
We will make them give us light'
Now there's no more oak oppression
For they passed a noble law
And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe and saw"

Look, I know I could get in trouble with Fair Use laws, but did you read those lyrics!? Trees forming unions, showing a complex range of emotions, and an all-comsuming quest to claim sunlight as their own?! Prato goes on to say that this record is probably Rush's best. Hilarious.

Turnerbudd goes on to say, "Trust me, I'm not one of those die hard Rush fans who do not listen to any other form of music (hey, no one applauded more than me when Mile made it in)."

Two things: Firstly, why lobby for a band to be in a hall of supposedly great musicians and then claim not to be a super-fan? Secondly, I'm assuming you're talking about Miles Davis getting into the Hall. Why is it so special that YOU clapped for one of the greatest artists of the last century, knowing that he was a lock to get in? Do you consider jazz to be that different from rock and roll, especially when the man helped fuse those same movement together (for better or for worse)?

AmazinFudd finishes an impassioned speech to act with these solemn words of solidarity, "Look out...for the force without form"; lets you and I become that force to effect the change. Let's throw three flaming spheres down their throats and keep doing it until our goal has been reached."

I mean, whatever you need to do to get the R&R HOF's attention. I personally would go down these routes:

-send By-Tor, knight of darkness, Centurion of evil, and devil's prince to sway the vote
-claim that La guillotine will claim her bloody prize
-Tell them the Necromancer is watching them with his prism eyes

In the end, Rush reminds us of what is truly important with this gem from Spirit of the Radio.

"One likes to believe in the freedom of music
But glittering prizes and endless compromises
Shatter the illusion of integrity"

So, what's the point Rush fans? Would you rather have integrity, or join the ranks of the arbitrary? The prism eyes are watching...

John Mayer loves to whip you

Look, it's too easy, but when you turn your celebrity-bashing site into a media forum I have the right to criticize your opinions. Especially when you become a promoter for artists. And the artist is hilariously "Serious."

Say what you need to say about him as a person, John Mayer does make really pretty songs.

Ugh. This smacks of a payoff. Internet payola is a horrible thing.

We LOVE pretty songs!

I understand that Perezhilton needs writers at this point, but really?! So well written, so easy to digest, yes, someone dropped some dough on this piece.

Say is a tune Mayer wrote for the upcoming Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman film The Bucket List, and it’s quite majestic.

There’s a full string section and everything!

Wow, a full string section! That's unbelievable! I've never heard of such a thing. In the history of rock, folk, blues and pop, I have never heard of a combination of singer/songwriter with a full string section.

Can I say that this Perezhilton blurb is getting weirder and weirder. And now we, the readers of his blog, become little tasty consumers, like tiny hotdogs wrapped in a delicate and flaky breading.

He may wannabe a rocker but John Mayer is a sensitive tunesman. This is a great new love song to add to his collection.

Enjoy Say below, exclusively on PerezHilton.com.

Ughghghghgh. You do know what exclusively means, right? It means that Mayer's people signed a deal with Perezhilton, and the readers of his blog are being programmed to enjoy.

Fuck you perezhilton, you have become part of the machine you once mocked. Not too hard to believe though.

Also, the idea that John Mayer is a sensitive tunesman is just awesome considering his most famous hit, "Your Body Is a Wonderland" is a pervert tour-de-force. Remember these gorgeous verses?

we got the afternoon, 
you got this room for two. 
one thing i've left to do, 
discover me discovering you.

Still makes my skin crawl. This also makes no sense whatsoever. The last thing John Mayer has to do before engaging in coitus is you, the object of his affection, watching John Mayer discovering you. I'm trying to write this coherently, but it still doesn't wash. I understand his need to finish the rhyme scheme, but holy shit. How about: "One thing I've left to do, an afternoon of discovering you." See, it even references the first line of the verse. Soooooooo creepy.

And the chorus? Obviously written by a master fetishist.

Your body
Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body Is a wonderland 

While it's a relief that he'll only be using his hands (no toes or footplay please) the fact that this thought is in parenthesis leads me to believe that he has darker intentions planned for the future.

Your body
Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my clamped nipples)
Your body Is a wonderland 

His darker intentions are revealed with every visit. Beware John Mayer, beware!!!

Serious Musicians

Nothing like an awesome google search to brighten our day. The title is the search. I think this will singlehandedly kill the idea of a "serious musician" forever. Believe it!!!


Like we all need more reasons to kill ourselves. John Mayer. Serious musician. He's the kind of guy who would want to promulgate that phrase. What a tasteless asshole. Meanwhile, the kid on my right proves my point quite well. He is in a stupor of sorts, at least that's what his eyes say. Some kind of parent figure probably pushed him in front of the horn and instructed him to thusly blow. He's learning, isn't he? Making even a farting sound on a cornet would qualify as a learning experience. You're taking it seriously, trying to coax anything forth. Therefore you're a serious musician. Anyways...

"Touch me, my saxophone demands it be so."

Even Elvis loves the Writemare. Who knew?

Wait a minute, this guy is supposed to be a serious musician? Look at that wonderful smile! How could this guy be a serious musician? He's a nice musician maybe, but not serious. That Cosby sweater, those fashionable glasses, this guy is just not cut out to be serious. Have fun being nice, though!





This guy is just a fucking failure. Look at that knowing smirk. Nothing says "not a serious musician" like a brown suit. And what the fuck is he raising his eyebrows at? If only I knew...

Whoa, what the hell, this guy on the bottom is supposed to be serious as well? It looks like the dude on the right walked into Men's Warehouse, aged 30 years and came back to take another picture. Personally, a tiny mustache denotes a "more serious" musician in my mind. That big old mustache makes me think of a sketchy middle school band director.

Ah, this guy. I'm...not even sure what to say. Why so elfish?

And...

Because when you or I think about serious musicians, we're really thinking about the flag of our great country. And little military hats, those too.