A Taste of Neal

The words that join with the music on this song by Rush are just...I don't know, let's just take a look...

"Digital Man" (1982)

He'd love to spend the night in Zion
He's been a long while in Babylon
He'd like a lover's wings to fly on
To a tropic isle of Avalon

His world is under anesthetic
Subdivided and synthetic
His reliance on the giants
In the science of the day

He picks up scraps of information
He's adept at adaptation
Because for strangers and arrangers
Constant change is here to stay

He's got a force field and a flexible plan
He's got a date with fate in a black sedan
He plays fast forward for as long as he can
But he won't need a bed
He's a digital man


This. Is. Awesome. First off, it's established that this Digital Man hangs out and records conversations. Many of have gone through that phase in 10th grade where you wander around with a Dictaphone recording snippets of dialogue, fully expecting to incorporate them into future avant-garde projects. And then you find the tape 10 years later and wonder why you were such a toolbag.

This Digital Man can get along with anyone, as he is "adept at adapting." He must have a full pantload of friends; I mean, he has a fucking force field. That would be enough, but a flexible plan? I'm assuming he's referring to either his previously trumpeted adaptability or his health care plan (he is Canadien). Good health care, a sweet force field, adaptable to any social scenario, what else can someone ask for in a digital friend?

Oh yeah, his hot date with fate. In the back of a black sedan, no less. Dude has style from his Digital shoes to his Digital follicles. There is a drawback here, as Digital Man prefers to use his music-listening bad habits as a metaphor for living. I understand, he's digital, but I don't want to listen to everything on fast forward. It makes me anxious, Digital Man, anxious! What could you do to possibly win back my favor?

How about never needing a bed? Sleepovers are no problem for Digital Man. You don't need to worry about Digital Man complaining about rent or needing a place to stay. Digital Man only needs a decent firewire connection and a room to power down in. No hassle, man.

World, Meet Ron Frazier

Look at this guy. Now close your eyes and open them again. Notice the determined look on his face, the passion of his ruffled purple shirt, the tenacity of his mullet, all these things are signs of one man and one man alone:

Ron Frazier.

Ron loves his drums so much he paid to have a semi-professional photo taken with them. The drop cloths really create a dramatic environment, kind of a come-hither look.

By the way, Ron has some news for you:

1. I shit you not, I seriously have been playing drums since I was 3 years old.
2. No, I really am serious about #1.
3. Yes I actually use all of the drums in my kit, and I don't mean once in a while, I mean all of the time.
4. Yes, the noise drives my neighbors nuts. Once upon a time, they even used to call over and complain, until we told them off. Now they don't bug us anymore. I'm sure they still hate it, they just don't tell me about it.
5. Yes, of course my favorite band is Rush. Any drummer who doesn't think so is on drugs.
6. Yes, I think Nirvana's drummer (or just the whole band in general) SUCKS! And again, anyone who doesn't think so is on drugs.
7. And, yes! I absolutely, positively, honestly, swear to god on my life, have been playing drums since I was 3 years old, so don't ask me again!

This guy is my fucking hero. Anyone who doesn't agree with him is obviously on drugs. Nirvana sucks, Rush rules. He uses all the drums in his kit, goddamn it. Also, he's anti-neighbor, what's not to like here?

And of course he's obsessed with Neil Peart. Remember him?


Did you hear that metallic clink?

Yeah, that was your drum boner knocking into your drum belt buckle. Deal with it!

Drum Boner Shout-out, Mattraw Style

FUCK YOU, I'M NEIL PEART!!!

Guess what, you suck at the drums. In fact, the only way you could be useful to the percussive world is if you wriggled your way into his drumset, and stood there all night, waiting for Neil to wail you with a drumstick. Understand this:

It's a drum boner, and you have one right now.