Booooooooooooiiiiinnngggggggggg

Slowly. Slowly. Take it All In.

This drumset is 308 pieces. 308. Three hundred and eight. Separate. Drums.

I've had my share of drum-related pant tents, but good god does this inspire the ultimate rager. There is simply no way in holy hell that a drummer could properly play on this set. Mostly, I imagine a lot of desperate flailing, and many attempts at the longest descending-note tom fill. Ever.

I mean, let's give you a little perspective. Here's Terry Bozzio's kit:


This drum kit pushed the limits of time and space for me already. Count the foot pedals: 15 can be assumed (some of them are blocked by 1 of 22 toms in his set-up). This kit can be played but only Bozzio or perhaps Keith Moon on adderol. Maybe.

But 308 pieces?! I wanted to delve further into this urban legend, so I of course checked Youtube. You are not going to believe what I found.



DO YOU BELIEVE?! DO YOU! That, dear friends, is a drum boner. Flaming helmet indeed!

PPPPPRRRRRRRRROOOOOGGGGGGGGGG

Getting Sick Nasty

Best way to start the day: How about a drum lesson from the 9/8 Satanic beatsmith himself, Professor Phil Fucking Collins?


Freaking yes!

We are High Class Lit

Yeah, man, we don't give a crap about anyone's shit. Just like this guy.

For the record, demanding that allmusicguide.com changes some of its more horrendous reviews is not that outrageous of an idea. I mean, one sentence reviews that sum up an artists career? You really want those things to stick around?

This isn't nitpicking, we are in it to win it so to speak. We would like the artist and listener to benefit from decent reviews, because as much as we'd like to deny it, it is tastemakers like pitchforkmedia, allmusicguide, Rolling Stone and Better Homes and Gardens that influence what we listen to.

So yeah, sorry you were annoyed by our "nitpicking." Although, when viewing this body of work, aren't you just nitpicking us? Doesn't feel very good when I turn it around on you, huh? Probably makes you feel like the opposite of this guy:

Believe

A Reflection

A nice, standard drumset. Pretty crazy, right. Just wanted to give some perspective when considering

THIS!



You can learn more about Mike at extremesportdrumming.com, where you are encouraged to enjoy

THE LONGEST 60 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE!

This website makes me happy.

And through sheer coincidence do I provide you with this guy.

Just kind of had to, you know, just have a post of a huge set of drums, when I google searched "Neal Peart"

New Year, Same Fucking Sick Drumsssssssss

Eat it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beware, futher drum set-ups await in your future.

Like this.

Go Neil!!

Props of the day to Mr. Drum Boner himself, Neil Peart, who was named by Blender as the second worst lyricist in rock! Only the mighty Sting himself rated higher (lower?), and while I haven't seen a full list, this tidbit from Reuters is a pure delight:

Blender described Canadian rocker Peart's lyrics as "richly awful tapestries of fantasy and science."

Pretty much, yeah.

God, I want to listen to "Marathon" right now.

Strap It On, Thine Drum Boner

Boing!!!

World, Meet Ron Frazier

Look at this guy. Now close your eyes and open them again. Notice the determined look on his face, the passion of his ruffled purple shirt, the tenacity of his mullet, all these things are signs of one man and one man alone:

Ron Frazier.

Ron loves his drums so much he paid to have a semi-professional photo taken with them. The drop cloths really create a dramatic environment, kind of a come-hither look.

By the way, Ron has some news for you:

1. I shit you not, I seriously have been playing drums since I was 3 years old.
2. No, I really am serious about #1.
3. Yes I actually use all of the drums in my kit, and I don't mean once in a while, I mean all of the time.
4. Yes, the noise drives my neighbors nuts. Once upon a time, they even used to call over and complain, until we told them off. Now they don't bug us anymore. I'm sure they still hate it, they just don't tell me about it.
5. Yes, of course my favorite band is Rush. Any drummer who doesn't think so is on drugs.
6. Yes, I think Nirvana's drummer (or just the whole band in general) SUCKS! And again, anyone who doesn't think so is on drugs.
7. And, yes! I absolutely, positively, honestly, swear to god on my life, have been playing drums since I was 3 years old, so don't ask me again!

This guy is my fucking hero. Anyone who doesn't agree with him is obviously on drugs. Nirvana sucks, Rush rules. He uses all the drums in his kit, goddamn it. Also, he's anti-neighbor, what's not to like here?

And of course he's obsessed with Neil Peart. Remember him?


Did you hear that metallic clink?

Yeah, that was your drum boner knocking into your drum belt buckle. Deal with it!

Drum Boner Shout-out, Mattraw Style

FUCK YOU, I'M NEIL PEART!!!

Guess what, you suck at the drums. In fact, the only way you could be useful to the percussive world is if you wriggled your way into his drumset, and stood there all night, waiting for Neil to wail you with a drumstick. Understand this:

It's a drum boner, and you have one right now.